I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
