So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
