I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize