Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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