wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
