what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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