I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
