I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
