I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize