this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
