I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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