So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
