Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
