So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
