i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize