If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
