she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize