This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
