angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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