i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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