He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
