kristin has been a bad kristin
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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