Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize