And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
