just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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