Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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