Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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