I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
