Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize