As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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