Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
