I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
