Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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