At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
