I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
