Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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