in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My balls are so social today.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
