What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
