I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
