Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize