it's too hot outside to masturbate.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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