And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
