Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
