I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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