OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
