watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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