He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
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