What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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