o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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