If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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