did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
