now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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