I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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