I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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