the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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