I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
