I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
