HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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