Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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