Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
