hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
