he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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