apparently the secret to your success is patron
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
