i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
