I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
