i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
