Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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