Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
