When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
