Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
