I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
