You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
