So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
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