Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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