hotel room ftw
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
