What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
