Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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