I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize