Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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